Tegami
by windborne
Summary: Like a good brother should, Sesshoumaru writes to his only surviving relative his hanyou half brother, Inuyasha. Rated for Inuyasha's swearing. Tegami means 'letters'. Repost. Spacing fixed, 03.01.2006


Tegami (Letters)

Dear hanyou little brother,

How are you? I hope this letter finds you injured. Or better still, dead already. Oops. That was a mistake. Scratch that.

Anyway, moving on…

Recently, I have come to the realization that family is important, and have decided to start communicating with you via letters, so that we can develop a stable and loving relationship.

Thus, I am sorry for attempting to steal Tetsusaiga and injuring you badly in the process. I expect an apology for hacking my arm off in your reply.

I intercepted the nothing demon Kanna while she was on her way to kill you. Enclosed is a souvenir for you from that particular fight.

I will await your reply. And it had better come soon. Or I may just end up reverting to sticking my hand through your abdomen as I've done before.

Your loving brother,

Sesshoumaru

Dear fucked-up nutcase,

Who are you? What have you done with my real half-brother? What is your fucking problem? Hacking your arm off was one of the best things I ever did. And what the hell am I supposed to do with a stinking flower? If you're so eager to be useful, go kill Naraku and get me the Shikon no Tama. Also, the injuries you gave me were nothing. NOTHING, you hear?

A pissed-off Inuyasha.

----------

Dear hanyou little brother,

I was rather displeased at your reply, especially by your constant usage of the word 'fuck'. However, I shall be magnanimous this time and overlook that rudeness.

Cease your incoherent babblings at once. The son of the great Inu no Taishou should be smarter, hanyou though you may be. Upon your death, I shall have your skull opened and your brain weighed. I wonder if a pea is heavier than said organ.

I am Sesshoumaru. I have not been kidnapped, nor have I had a personality transplant. Neither have I been brainwashed. There is no 'fucking problem' with me. You are probably foaming at the mouth by now. Take a drink of water and calm down. Do whatever you like with the flower. Or would you have preferred a lock of hair? The mirror? I did think of giving you one of her fingers, but I didn't know what you could do with it.

Also, it has come to my attention that you have given Tetsusaiga more skills. That is most commendable. One should always seek to gain more power, more strength. Would you like to exchange swords with me in the name of brotherly love?

Your loving brother,

Sesshoumaru

----------

Dear fucked-up nutcase,

You are clearly mental. Go dunk your head in a water barrel, you bastard. Don't you dare lecture me, fuckhead. You're nuts if you think I'm gonna fucking write letters to you. I will never ever trade anything with you, let alone Tetsusaiga for your stupid Tenseiga. I'm returning Kanna's flower to you. Please, for the sake of your so-called 'brotherly love', just never write to me again.

Inuyasha.

----------

Dear hanyou little brother,

That reply you sent me was unbelievably rude, Inuyasha. I'm so very hurt. That flower was a gift to you, I must insist that you keep it with you at all times. Forever.

I tell you, I am neither a 'fuckhead' nor a 'bastard'. The bastard is actually you, seeing as Izayoi and Father never married. I advise you to study your Japanese more carefully. I'm sure the miko, houshi and Taijiya will be more than pleased to help you. I'm afraid that I will no longer excuse such coarseness. If I do not get a polite reply, I will track you down and teach you manners by applying a stout stick to your behind.

Tenseiga is not stupid. Please pay a little respect to it. Or I will just have to slice you open with Toukijin.

I believe your birthday is ten days away. To celebrate it, I will bring a picnic basket and a birthday cake so we can have a meal together and start communicating as loving brothers. Please feel free to invite your friends. However, I hope you will exclude the undead miko Kikyou as her scent offends my rather sensitive nose. I'm sure you will understand.

I still await your apology.

Your loving brother,

Sesshoumaru

----------

Dear fucked-up nutcase,

This parchment is soaked in the strongest poison Sango has. I will say no more, jerkass. I hope you dissolve.

Inuyasha.

----------

Not-so-dear hanyou little brother,

No, I did not melt. Congratulations. You've made me angry. I will hunt you down and give your stomach an airing out again.

As another small revenge, I've engaged you to Naraku's daughter, Kagura, as is my right as your only surviving family member.

She'll marry you when Kouga is done with her. That is, if either of you don't 'accidentally' get killed. Kouga has things to thrash out with her, as I have with you.

Your not-so-loving brother,

Sesshoumaru.

P.S. You melted Jaken. Thanks a lot.

----------

----------

Inuyasha opened the letter and scanned it as Kirara leapt to the crown of his head and Kagome peered over his shoulder in curiosity. The firecat mewed in amusement as she finished reading.

"And we revert to our former normality. Go figure," Inuyasha smirked.

"…" Kagome sweatdropped.

----------

THE END! Please note that this is a oneshot. It will never be updated again.

03.01.2006 – Fixed the spacing and added line breaks which mysteriously vanished last time. Damn. School started…

A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review.

Kyasarinyume07 signing off.


End file.
